I finally saw Inception and I saw Black Swan when it came out.  I don't usually do movie reviews but these two movies were just...well....  I  can sum up how I felt about these two with a throw back from the 90's.

I did.  I hated both of those movies.  Lets start with Black Swan, shall we?  First off, when I tell someone I hated that movie, they usually say, "well you just don't get artsy and deep movies."  NO.  You're stupid and I wish you'd die in a fire.  I absolutely get artsy deep movies.  This was NOT artsy and it was definitely not deep.  This was Fight Club's angsty little sister with a tu-tu and sexuality issues.  

Firstly, they tried to hit so many issues I coudn't settle on one theme in the movie.  Overbearing mother?  Stresses of ballet world?  Coming of age (while having a raging psychotic battle with yourself)?  Breaking personal sexual barriers?  The pitfalls of over achieving?  Bitch you need to eat something, thats why you're hallucinating?   When I type this out, I can see how they all kind of fit together.  In a book.  Not a movie.  That was too much for this team to tackle.  And then was this a psychological thriller?  Was it horror?  It sure as hell wasn't pretty.

Which leads me to my next point.  Mila Kunis was a graceful as a teenager on a first date.

So was Natalie Portman's problem all along that she needed to be sexed up to realize her true potential of breaking free of herself?  Sexed up, drugged and stabbed?  I mean, I watched the movie and at the end I was like, "ok, i see what you did there."  But I kept feeling that they used too much shock factor (hooray for hand up the chest cavity!) and too much sex (everyone gets a grab at her cooch!), and not enough real story. the damned movie was just all over the place and at the end I realized that the only part that moved me was listening to Tchaikovsky's music, further solidifying that good music can turn crap into gold.  So yeah.  totally hated this movie.

BUT WAIT!  These people made The Wrestler!?  OMFG you knock one out of the god damned park and then you take a shit on home plate?  I LOVED THAT MOVIE!  I cried so hard afterwards.  That movie was an emotional ride.  I was moved.  man...that movie...*sniff*...it was beautiful.

Ok, Inception.  Everyone's dreaming.  Who gives a shit?  That's how I feel about Inception.  Again people have told me, "well you just didn't get it.  it was too artsy and deep."  The only thing "deep" about that movie was this man's smoldering eyes.

I can see forever.

After that, Leo was alright.  Ellen Paige, DIAF kthxbai.  She plays the same person in every movie.  But acting aside, the premise.  Dream diving/stealing/protecting.  Again, WHO CARES?  when that guy got shot i was like, "its cool.  he's dreaming."  and then they were like,  "OH NOES!! ETERNITY IN LIMBO!"  And i was like, "but you're your own god in limbo.  how is this bad?"  And then they're like, "MUST GO DEEPER!! OH NOESZ!!! MOLL!!!"  and I was like, "wut?"